Presence Amidst the Presents

"If you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your family" ~Ram Dass

If your holiday schedule is anything like mine, over the next week or so you'll be spending a lot of time visiting with extended family. For many of us, emotions and stress levels are already running high, and then we get to throw some challenging extended-family dynamics into the mix. We all want to be able to relax and enjoy our time with our families, but sometimes it can seem like a really tall order to fill! Here are a few strategies to help make that a real possibility:

1. Release expectations
We often enter into a gathering with a lot of expectations (both positive and negative): "I hope everyone loves the dessert I made"; "I just know Grandma's going to get in a few digs about my divorce, so I better brace myself now"; "I know no-one's going to appreciate the gifts I bought." No wonder we're already stressed by the time we even arrive on the scene! Try to release feeling attached to any particular outcome and just let whatever happens, happen.

2. Assume positive intent
It's easy to assume that Aunt Jane meant to make us feel terrible by that offhand remark she made. In truth, we don't have any way of knowing what other people's intentions are. Words and actions only have the meanings *we* give to them. So why not assume that everyone's intentions are good? We are all doing the best we can at any given moment.

3. Find something to appreciate
Even when things aren't going quite the way we planned or wished for, there are always plenty of things to appreciate. Choose to look for them. The cozy warmth of a fire, the kids playing happily with their cousins, a warm hug from a distant relative you haven't seen in years are all worth celebrating, so take the time to really notice them.

4. Reclaim a state of wonder
Remember when you were a kid and everything about the holiday season seemed totally magical? All the same magical stuff is still all around us, we've just misplaced our "wonder" glasses. Take a cue from the kids - go outside and make some snow angels, catch snow on your tongue, or have a tickle-fight with your nieces and nephews (they will probably remember it for years).

5. Stay open to joy
Once you drop your expectations of what "should" be happening, it's a lot easier to see the joy that is everywhere around you. A willingness to "let it in" is all it takes. You may experience joy in the most unexpected places, so be on the lookout and I know you'll find it!

Image by Danilo Rizzuti, courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net